Day 9 reflections; facts and feelings

I asked Sue if there were ways to improve the blogs, and the request to attach photos came from her. My technophobia and ignorance prevents me doing that. On the converse, Sue says it's easy for people to make comments on the blog, but Stephen commented that he hadn't managed to! So ask Sue how she does it if you wish to add your comments. Stephen responded that I was conveying facts on the trip but not my feelings; Sue answered him that that's how I write. From our 120 or so air letters when we were engaged and I was in Nepal for a year writing three times a week, she understands my usual style! From the age of 7 years, I was at boarding school n Sussex, while my parents were in Africa serving in the Colonial Service; each week I had to write a letter to my parents. I didn't express emotions in those letters. The letters were vetted (I think), but the necessary family lifestyle didn't lend itself to closeness, but did my parents' generation express feelings? The British "stiff upper lip" ruled in our home.

I will endeavour to add this blog as an expression of my feelings. You may wish to avoid the next section and jump to Keswick to Moffat. I don't normally talk much about my faith, but I can't mention one without the other.

Trepidation is how I felt as I made my booking with Peak Tours and paid my deposit, and the balance three months before the start date. Would my health and strength be up to it? Then as the winter worsened in March, the lack of preparation counted in miles on the saddle began to be a concern. Meanwhile the 60th birthday in March led to charity links being set up, and with the publicity, came more impetus to training.

As a teenager I cycled round East Anglia with my older brother, Ian. We youth-hostelled, and stayed with relatives in Norwich. Another time, the longest distance I did was 92 miles from Ross-on-Wye to Gerrards Cross along the A40, and home to Hornchurch the next day across London. From school at half-term exeat I cycled from Godalming to home up the A3. So in mid-April 2013, a training weekend in the Peak district of 65 and 35 miles over steep hills was an encouragement since I hadn't done the distance since my teens, and I had certainly not done hills of this nature.
My worst cycling experience occurred ten years after my Father's death. I cycled into St Helier in Jersey on his old road bike with drop handlebars, and on the long descent on Grouville hill, the rear wheel got wobble. If you applied the brake the wobble worsened. There were two roads entering at the foot of the hill, and a right angle bend to the left at the bottom. I was not dressed for a tumble on the tarmac. In the end I just took that corner at reduced speed without coming off, but these bikes can go fast, and I do not enjoy speed when I feel vulnerable. I am a plodder, and feel safe.

The week after the Sheffield weekend I was back at work but was more than usually tired. Could I handle 14 days without a break? I had chosen the Peak Tours through chatting to Tim Isitt who I work with on Friday mornings. He had done the End-to-End last September and shared his experience with me.

Why did I want to do it? What sort of retirement lifestyle did I contemplate? How could I stay healthy?

My Best Man's eldest boy is our Godson. Aged 15, Lewis and another friend cycled it unsupported. A few years later, Lewis' younger brother, Ben, (6ft 8 inches and parkour fan) wanted to do it in reverse. Lewis went with him and gave up after a day, since Ben was too fast! Last year Ben rode across the USA in 13 days unsupported (3,500 miles). He is now training in the Marines.

Graham, my Best Man, in a Skype at Christmas from the Isle of Man, expressed an interest in joining me. Stephen, our son also said he would ike to. But when my month-off after retirement dates were set, May worked for me, but not for the others. Perhaps Sue will come if there is a next time?! Today she cycled 9 miles in 54 minutes. That's about the speed we are doing!

Retirement is a huge event, and although I expect to be back at work in June, our lifestyle will change, and when Sue retires we might spend more time overseas again, if there was a place our gifts and skills could be used, even in short, regular visits. People who vegetate in retirement get depressed and often die young. Is there a work one gets called to? I think so.

As a teenager, i had a couple of narrow escapes from death. I had anaphylaxis on one occasion, and another time I tried to extinguish the boarding house fire at school. It was the main fuse box on fire, and in the dense smoke I turned a water extinguisher at the root of the fire. Don't try it! Water and electricity is a bad combination. I happened to have thick rubber gym shoes on when this antic happened. Although from a Christian family, I had to question what I believed, and make that step of faith myself in response to the finished work of Jesus.

Behind life is love, not chance. Love hurts. it is commitment. Giving love hurts. Those who love will be hurt. We need to love those who are hurting. But our own morality values, we fail to keep. That's where an Almighty, Creator God reveals Himself as Redeemer. It leaves us with questions on evil and suffering, but Jesus has been right to the depths for us, to lift us up.

There are books and stories which move me to tears. "Dogger" by Shirley Hughes, and "Treasures of the snow" by Patricia St John are two that come to mind. Both childrens' books but both with a redemptive message. Real life situations too. In my valedictory lecture I dedicated my talk on Patient Safety to Mel & Craig. Ten years ago Mel became paralysed from the neck down just months after Sue had assisted at her second boy's birth. To celebrate Mel's 40th birthday was an amazing experience, as she speaks through blinking her spelling of the alphabet. Love conquers suffering.

In our work, we often find the folk with the greatest suffering are the most positive people. One of the huge privileges of our job is to stand or sit alongside these folk at critical times of their lives.

A couple of months ago I came across a poem by Anne Johnson Flint which I had heard years ago. It became well-known in WWII. (I was born a few years later!).

***
Anne Johnson Flint 1866-1932
Orphaned at 6, arthritic from teens, in great pain and loss of independence she focused on Jesus.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labours increase.
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

chorus:-
His love has no limit,
His grace has no measure,
His power has no boundary
Known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth, and giveth,
And giveth again.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

*******
As I stepped up to do this End-to-End at the start of my retirement, and the next phase of our lives, I don't expect life to be easy. But I don't tackle it alone. Spiritual pilgrimages often have a degree of physical hardship. I don't chat much in the saddle because my hearing isn't up to it. My eyes are mainly focused on the road ahead. With the physical limitations I have, which won't diminish, I want my life to count. The charities are a part of that. We can each make a difference.

For me, Jesus Christ turned my life around 45 years ago and more. In my life i want to live in His love, and serve and obey. He is the Risen Lord, and eternity is where He reigns. First, I have received. I am in a position to give, while continuing to receive. That's why I value the church community I belong to. And I've missed them for three weeks doing this End-to-end. But I know folk are praying for me, and making that difference for me.